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Driver on the Wing’s Weather for Everton v Chelsea

Get ready for a horrid journey. Freezing rain followed by snow are going to give rise to treacherous conditions. Freezing rain is that delightful and thankfully rare occurrence when rain falls onto frozen ground creating an instant layer of black ice. Snow settles quickly on top of it hiding the deadly skid pan below.

It should stop snowing by Saturday morning and the authorities ought to clear what has landed and get the trains running but there will still be some nasty little slippery bits for drivers and pedestrians.

The motorways will be gritted. Fill your screen wash reservoir before setting off. Just in case, bung a blanket in the boot. A thermos might also be a wise precaution and some food.

The snow and rain will have left London by Saturday and it will be a chilly day with some snow still on the ground. Highs of only 3 degrees. Wind will be light and from the south east. In Liverpool, however, snow or rain or sleet remains a real possibility with similar temperatures and wind.

If driving, leave early and drive carefully. If going by train, check that the train is running before leaving. In either case, check that the game is still on both before leaving and while on the way.

Dress warmly. Scarf, gloves, thick jacket, two pairs of socks, good boots.

No snoods, skinny white or red jeans or friendship scarves..

When I was a kid, I was told that only those of the homosexual tendency wore vest.. Not being one, I ceased to wear vests.  This manifestation of my heterosexuality may have enslaved me from the abuse that many of my class mates suffered at the hands (if that is the right metaphor) of the teaching staff.

Indeed, many years after I left school, the police investigation into the goings on in my day involved interviews with just about every former pupil apart from me. Either the police heard about my refusal to wear a vest or, I suppose, discovered that I was such a singularly unattractive child that no one would think of abusing me.

Today I am old and ugly enough to be safe from abuse and attitudes towards our homosexual chums have moved on. I still do not wear a vest and yet weather such as that they we are currently enduring certainly makes a case for a vest.

Vests, to me, have ugly connotations but perhaps ought not to. I tend to think of sting vests and Rab C Nesbit or those awful itch off white things of early childhood. If we call them something other than “vests” that can appear more acceptable and almost stylish.

Think of the t-shirts sported by James Dean under a shirt or of those blue and white striped undershirts, the telnyashka. Nothing effete or unstylish about those. Today we are also blessed by a new name for a vest: the base layer. Perfectly acceptable and a good idea in these frigid times.

So Everton again. A soulless place.. Everton is a place to travel to in order to make one truly appreciate the wonder and beauty of London. Don’t take a long weekend in the Cotswolds or in rural Norfolk.  Sights of green hills or hedgerows and the sweet sounds of birdsong may seduce you and make the return to town more difficult. Visit instead the satanic wastelands of Merseyside and return to London in hope and with joy.

The Irish Sea is the only natural thing near Goodison Park and will be bleak and grey on Saturday mirroring the city build on its shores. Bedraggled sea gulls will huddle for warmth making sounds that reflect the screeches of the local humanity.

The sun will set as you get into you car after the match. The drive home will be hard with snow, sleet and rain grit throw against the windscreen, possible delays.  That drive, will, however, take you away from Liverpool and the ghastliness that it represents and towards London and its glory..

Remember, you are Chelsea and Chelsea is style.

(All of Driver’s weather reports here)

Discussion

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  1. Nothing ghastly about Liverpool mate. Try spending a bit of time here. Furthermore if Goodison & it’s less than charming surrounds (I admit) send you into a frenzy I’d recommend you miss all those vital games at Anfield – you might never recover.

    Posted by Toffee | February 12, 2012, 7:44 pm

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