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Girl Who Likes Balls – West Brom – Hull City – Barcelona

It Only Took Him a Decade! Chelsea 1 UEFAlona 1 – Last 16 UEFA Champions League – Tuesday 20th February 2018 19:45 Chelsea 3 West Brom 0: I’ve relied on the sage wisdom of Uncle Albert to update me on the two fixtures while I was away. For this one I was sitting in the lounge […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Watford

Kamikaze Conte? Watford 4 Chelsea 1 – Monday 5th February 2018 20:00 All those vacating the away end tonight might want to mind out not to get run over by the four horsemen of the apocalypse. In the News: Before I say anything: I don’t perceive our board to be infallible. I’m not saying that […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – AFC Bournemouth

We’ve Had Our Day Out, Let’s F*ck Off Home Chelsea – Couldn’t have scored in a brothel. AFC Bournemouth – Looked like Barcelona – Wednesday 31st January 2018 19:45 Well as the crowd poured out, I laughed my head off the last twenty minutes of that game. To celebrate the biggest pile of w*nk I’ve […]

Hull City Home In The FA Cup

From the official Chelsea FC website: “Chelsea will play at home against Hull City in the fifth round of this season’s FA Cup. The Blues were paired with the Championship side when the draw was made on Monday evening. Ruud Gullit, who won the FA Cup as Chelsea manager in 1997, was one of those […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Newcastle

Lord of the Flies Chelsea 3 Barcodes 0: FA Cup 4th Round – Sunday 28th January 2018 13:30 In the News: Conte. Conte. More Conte. I imagine that on press conference days Steve Atkins (the one who sits next to Antonio and polices the jackals) and Carlo Cudicini (appointed translator) feel like any chat show […]

Fixtures Moved For March

From the official Chelsea FC website: “The next round of Premier League fixtures selected for live TV broadcast have been announced with four Chelsea games up to the start of April chosen. They include two home fixtures and two away fixtures. Manchester City v Chelsea will now take place on Sunday 4 March, kick-off 4pm and […]

Say No To Antisemitism

I’ve just come out of a very interesting chat at Stamford Bridge, where Chelsea are about to take on a leadership role in trying to surmount antisemitism in professional sport. At the Bournemouth game on 31st January, a fixture picked for its proximity to Holocaust Memorial Day, the club will be launching an initiative that […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Brighton

Who Needs Peter Crouch? Brighton & Hove Albion 0 Chelsea 4 – Saturday 20th January 2018 12:30 New song alert: (leave it to Mrs Brown, musical genius that he is) “VAR (just say it as a word- angrily) Hurgh Yeah What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!” It amused us anyway. In the News: The […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Leicester

Trigger and I Have Got a Secret Chelsea 0 Leicester City 0 – Saturday 13th January 2018 15:00 When your best mate is so excited about making it into the ground for kick off that he almost punches David Luiz’s mum in the face… … Mama Luiz just laughed at him, but he might as […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Arsenal

There’s a Goon In My Seat and I Don’t Like It Chelsea 0 Arsenal 0 – 1st Leg Semi-Final Carabao Cup – Wednesday 10th January 2018 In the News: Everything is about racism so far this week. Oh dear Peter Beardsley. Oh. Dear. The Newcastle youth coach appears to be Britain’s socially inept equivalent of […]

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