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Girl Who Likes Balls – Man City

Will the Real Slim Chelsea Please Stand Up Chelsea 2 Manchester City 0 – Saturday 8th December 2018 17:30 In the News: Elseid Hysaj’s agent says that talks with Chelsea over the Napoli defender may resume in January. The Albanian is a right back. One defensive position where our coverage hasn’t made me want to […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Wolves

Chelsea Broke Me Wolves 2 Chelsea Pathetic – Wednesday 5th December 2018 19:45 In the News: Sarri is apparently making a play for overturning the one year contract rule so far as keeping people who are over thirty, City could be looking at a Champions League ban after claims they have cheated FFP. No sh*t. […]

Home To Forest In The FA Cup

From the official Chelsea FC website: “The draw for the FA Cup third round was made at Stamford Bridge this evening, with the Blues handed a home tie against Championship side Nottingham Forest. Ruud Gullit, our former manager who guided us to FA Cup glory in 1997, was back at the Bridge to carry out […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Fulham

Scousers on the Roof Chelsea 2 Fulham 0 – Sunday 2nd December 2018 12:00 In the News: Dave has followed Kante and Alonso is signing a new long term deal. Hurrah. Ozil, who is apparently being courted by Inter Milan, was missing today from the north London Derby because he’s having “back spasms” which have […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – PAOK

EasyFootball Chelsea 4 PAOK Salonika 0 – Thursday 29th November 2019 20:00 Sp*rs: Well that was like being the subject of an Ancient Egyptian embalming, where they pulled your brain out through your nostril with a crochet hook. Only having it done while you are conscious. Alcohol and war sh*t took over. I’ll put it […]

Chelsea Terrace Talk – Irish Examiner Article By Trizia

There are a lot of decisions to be made in the next month or so. Chief amongst those is whether the manager is going to continue to try and implement “Sarri-ball” (for want of a better term) with a group of players who on the whole do not suit this system. It’s akin to hammering […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Crystal Palace

Instant Victory. Just Add Hazard. Chelsea 3 Crystal Palace 1 – Sunday 4th November 2018 16:00 In the News: Arsenal are just letting Ramsey go, which strikes me an singularly stupid. Either he and his agent have been making daft demands or they really are morons at the Emirates. We’re apparently so impressed with the […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Derby County

You Know You’re Getting Old When Your Childhood Crush Has Developed a Bald Patch Chelsea 3 Frank Lampard’s Derby County 2 – Wednesday 31st October 2018 19:45 In the News: Ianni has received a £6000 fine for his celebration in front of Chequebook Pulis. I hope the club pay it in f*cking 1p coins. More […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Burnley

Anything You Can Do Burnley 0 Chelsea 4 – Sunday 28th October 2018 13:30 Football hasn’t been a place for levity this weekend. Too many people at Leicester and at Brighton have died in the simple act of going to a football game. Glenn Hoddle almost died on the floor of the BT Sport studio. […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Bate Borisov

Stay Away From Patient Zero Chelsea 3 Bate Borisov 1 – Thursday 25th October 2018 20:00 In the News: In the world of petty media f*ckwittery, we’ve had a multitude of dross about how Ross Barkley has had the tattoo commemorating his Everton debut removed. Ungrateful Chelsea wretch that he is. Except that he has […]

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