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Girl Who Likes Balls

This category contains 59 posts

Girl Who Likes Balls – Man Utd

I Want Kante’s Babies Chelsea 1 Manchester United A Big Fat Nothing – Sunday 5th November 2017 16:30 Ok want is a bit strong. I don’t like babies. But if he asked after he swooped back in and made us look like a football team again it would be damn churlish to say no. In […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Roma

I’ve Missed the Great British Bake Off For This…   Roma 3 Chelsea 0 – Tuesday 31st October 19:45   …Said Uncle Albert. Who has been going to Chelsea since 1959.   In the News: Why would United want to sign Ozil? If you are going to treat his time at Arsenal as a job interview it would […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Crystal Palace

Crystal Palace 2 Chelsea 1 – Saturday 14th October 2017 15:00 ​Who Needs a DeLorean? You’ve got no credible use for a flux capacitor when you can automatically go back to 1970 with a visit to Selhurst Park. Complete with a post to block half your view of the pitch and third world toilets. I […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Manchester City

Chelsea 0 Manchester Citeh 1 – Saturday 30th September 2017 17:30 I got a text from my dear old mum on 85 minutes. “Why do Chelsea look so bad?” My response? “Because for about an hour we tried to play with someone my height at centre forward and pretended that he was 6’4″.” In the […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Stoke City

Stoke City 0 Chelsea 4 – Saturday 23rd September 2017 15:00 No. I’m not speaking Flemish. In London, “we are Stoke” would constitute three words using actual English. In “Sterk” it’s one. It took nigh on the entire match to translate that. In the News: Diegogate is finally at an end. I’m glad. I think […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Qarabag

Chelsea 6 FK Carrier Bag 0 – Tuesday 12th September 2017 19:45 We all hate UEFA – crooked b*stards. But we’d be lying if we said we didn’t forget that like the European football loving whores we all are when we hear that damned theme music as the teams walk onto the pitch. At least […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Leicester

Leicester City 1 Chelsea 2 – Saturday 9th September 2017 15:00 Where I come from foxes are vermin. Out they came to a bugle sounding the beginning of the hunt. They do realise that after that the foxes get hunted down and ripped apart, right? International Break: It’s not that I’m unpatriotic. I abuse anyone […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Tottenham

Sp*rs 1 – Chelsea 2 Sunday 20th August 2017 16:00 Our Game: If you were of a dramatic nature you could have flung yourself on the tracks at Baker Street today rather that face the match. Eleven days to save Conte, says one rag; doom, more doom. It was like a Thomas Hardy novel, or […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Burnley

Chelsea 2 Burnley 3 – Saturday 12th August 2017 15:00 Yep, that’s right. The first time since 1992 (maybe the second, I’ve drunk too much gin to care) that the reigning Premier League champions have not been televised on the opening weekend. Bet they wouldn’t have done that to the Scouse. To my immense amusement […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – League Review

I don’t know about the players – I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with the fixtures! This is the third article in a week and I’m knackered. Just down to match reports now. Might do a European preview at some point. The Battle of the Six Kingdoms – A Premier League Preview […]

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