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Girl Who Likes Balls

This category contains 131 posts

Girl Who Likes Balls – Man Utd

F*ck Sake People, Calm Yourselves Manchester United 4 Chelsea 0 – Sunday 11th August 2019 16:30 Me and my epic toothache went all the way to Manchester and all we got as this lousy referee who doesn’t know what a head injury looks like. A reality check, but nowhere near worthy of soiling ourselves over. […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – VAR!

VAR: What is it Good For? Certainly a fan’s guide to VAR, but perhaps more accurately what the Premier League WANT you to know. Yesterday a number of club reps were invited to VAR HQ at Stockley Park for a conflab about how it’s going to work in the league this season, what it will […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Leicester City

Sexpest Goes to Leicester Leicester City 0 Chelsea 0 – Sunday 12th May 2019 15:00 This is a big deal. Regulars will remember that not only is Sexpest really old. (You might recall the virginity story about the woman born in the reign of Queen Victoria, or the accidental Facebook spamming that made him look […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Eintracht Frankfurt

“Get in Hazard You Little F***ing Sexpuppet!” Chelsea 1 (2) Eintracht Frankfurt 1 (2) (Chelsea win 4-3 on penalties) – Thursday 9th May 2019 20:00 I could not have put it better myself. The credit, however, goes to the mad bloke jumping and down behind me when the last penalty went in. In the News: […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Watford

He’s Staying! Chelsea 3 Watford 0 – Sunday 5th May 2019 14:00 No, not Eden. But Sarri was tasked with top four. And he’s done it. With a game to spare. Strap yourselves in, because you’ve got to live with his methods, his substitutions, his love affair with poor, maligned Jorginho AND that hideous new […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Cardiff, Brighton, Everton and West Ham

They Definitely Are Still West Ham Chelsea 2 West Ham 0 – Monday 8th April 2019 20:00 As if readjusting to the temperature at home wasn’t terrifying enough. Chelsea created a neanderthal photo mash in tonight’s programme of Ampadu, Cahill and The Beard. Still looked more intelligent as a life form than anything playing for […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Dynamo Kiev

One Kiev, Stuffed. Chelsea 3 Dynamo Kiev 0 – Europa League Last 16 – Thursday 7th March 2019 20:00 In the News: The appeal is in against the transfer ban. Don’t know whether yet whether that will enable us to sign people this summer. Sarri’s been having talks about pre-season. Probably along the lines of […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Fulham

We Don’t Hate You, Cos You’re Sh*t ​Fulham 1 Chelsea 2 – Sunday 3rd March 2019 14:05 This was the 82nd West London derby. Fulham have won precisely nine of them. Hence why this away-day excursion is thoroughly enjoyable, and nobody wants to see them go down, but it doesn’t pack a punch. In the […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Tottenham Hotspur

It’s Happened Again! Chelsea 2 North London Jellyfish 0 – Wednesday 27th February 2019 20:00 Ahahahaha, another season, no home, no trophies and a deep sense of emptiness for a club that one week ago thought they might just win the league. In the News: The fallout from Kepagate/Sarri’s tantrum continued after Sunday. Apparently Kepa […]

Girl Who Likes Balls – Malmo

Apocalypse Now Malmo 1 Chelsea 2 – Thursday 14th February 2019 20:00 Right now my brain is reeling. I never thought that I would hear myself say “Michael Owen has made me feel better.” If he is the voice of reason, then the rest of the world must really have gone to sh*t. Bertie is […]

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